Mother's Day

I didn't post this on Monday, I guess because I was blocking it out, and because I know in my heart of hearts he did not mean it to be hurtful... but I can't seem to get past a little bit of sadness.

Mother's Day did not even occur to G. Or rather, did not occur to him in the context of me, his 8-months-pregnant wife.

So here's the thing. I am not, and never will be, HIS mother. And technically, I am not a mother YET. I know these things. And I also fundamentally loathe the inherent emotional manipulation of Hallmark holidays.

And yet... It was not about a card, or a gift, or brunch. It was about the thought. About realizing what I (body, mind, spirit) am going through for him, and for us. About this enormous change that is about to happen in our lives... that we are doing together, by all means... but that I am (literally) delivering.

I guess I also mistakenly thought I was giving him clues -- when I volunteered to buy Mother's Day cards not only for my mom and grandmother but also HIS... and when I pointed out how cool it was when, a few days ahead of the calendar, cheery pastel envelopes arrived from my brother and sister -- obviously, I told him, Mother's day cards.

I just don't understand how it didn't even flicker onto his radar screen. And, in spite all the love he gives me EVERY day, which I am ever-so-grateful for (and which I fully understand manifests itself in non-Hallmark ways, like scraping ice off my windshield in the dead of winter)... it hurt.

I told him how it felt, and I cried, and I even tried to resist apologizing for crying. He knew right away he fucked up, and he tried to rectify it... but since it was NOT about the card, or the gift, or the brunch, but about being in touch with my needs/desires/emotions -- it was kind of too late.

That being the case, there wasn't much to do after making my feelings known but move on and be done with it. I know he's sorry. I also know he's not a mind-reader (and that was painfully obvious here), so I took advantage of the opportunity to tell him how I would like him -- and future child -- to recognize the occasion in the future. I hate that it bothers me so much...

I guess we'll see what happens next year.