Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Low Fashion

I have two pairs of jeans, which I love. Within two weeks of each other, both pairs of jeans ripped -- irreparably, I'm afraid.

Now I hate shopping anyway, but I find it especially hard to shop for a replacement to something beloved, which is no longer made. Especially with a strong-willed 9-month-old in tow.

So I finally dragged myself to the Gap today to buy a pair of jeans. Well guess what? Gap's style this season is... ripped jeans.

Let me get this straight -- I can pay $50 for new jeans that look as bad as the old jeans? Huh.

I must be getting old....

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Couldn't resist



I have mixed feelings about posting my child's image on my blog, but because I have been such a bad blogger lately, I just had to share this... Maybe I will take it down in awhile, I don't know... As you gaze into those blue eyes, perhaps you can at least understand why blogging has fallen a bit by the wayside lately... :)

Isn't it ironic...

...that you can spend a good chunk of your life thinking you might like to have bigger boobs, and then when you finally get them, you just really want your old ones back?

We have hit the 9 month mark with the nursing and I'm really proud of that; I didn't think I'd make it this long (of course, I didn't think I'd quit my job, either). It is only now that I am getting ready to be done. I know I will miss the closeness of nursing awfully, but I am also finally feeling like it's time to have my body back.

That said, everything I read says if you can do it a year, you should. And Lord knows even 3 months I don't have to buy formula is real money in the bank. So I am going to stick with it till 12 months, and hopefully L. will graduate to cow's milk. I know 12 months will be here in the blink of an eye, and that is a bittersweet realization indeed!

Thursday, February 23, 2006

One of "them"

I have become something I used to loathe:

A shopping cart abandoner.

It used to drive me crazy. I mean, come on, how hard is it really to walk a little ways to put your cart in the proper receptacle. Helps out the next guy, helps out the poor guy whose job it is to round up the carts (surely that guy needs a break), doesn't block parking spaces, and even is a tiny modicum of exercise.

And yet, suddenly with baby, everything changes. Suddenly the cart return lanes seem 100 yards away. The store itself is WAY too far to go. Can't leave baby alone in the car while I run to return it can I? Can't make someone wait for my parking space while I unload groceries, take baby and cart back, return, THEN put baby in carseat, right? Better just to leave it and dash and hope no one sees...

It's funny, the things that can turn into obsession...

Friday, February 03, 2006

ZAP

I think drying my hair stimulates my brain.

For some reason every morning -- at least the mornings I actually get my act together -- as I'm drying my hair, my head fills up with things I need to do and yet can't seem to remember any other time. I make a mental list, and repeat it over and over like a mantra while the dryer does its thing. Today I will remember to put the mail on hold for our vacation. At the store I will remember to buy dental floss. Etc.

Then I turn the hair dryer off, and I promptly forget it all. Until the next day. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

So clearly, the heat stimulation is temporary.

You science types, research this and get back to me.

PS: The cute baby on my lap says hi.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Just like that...

So I quit my job on Friday.

Or, I should say, I quit my career on Friday. The "so cool" career I was "so lucky" to have. That I worked pretty damn hard for. That I could not even bear staying in for one second longer.

Over. Done.

Thursday I was emotional about it. Friday I felt liberated. When I looked at the baby on Friday afternoon, I felt like I had won the lottery. For fun, I actually played the lottery. I didn't win -- but whatever.

I don't know what happens next. It's scary. But sometimes I think scary is good -- sometimes you just have to jump off the ledge and hope for a soft landing.

Here goes.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Taking a short break


I guess you've noticed I've been absent, if any of you are still here. Hawaii was good -- definitely a different sort of vacation with 9 people in 1 condo, but really nice overall. My in-laws were sometimes a pain and there are certainly stories I could tell, but as is often the case with my in-laws, I just don't have the energy. Maybe later.

We have been insanely busy since we got back, and on Wednesday we are off again to California for the holidays for three weeks (it will be L's third cross-country trip in six months!). Hopefully I will get back up to speed when we return.

Meanwhile, G. and I need to do a lot of soul-searching in the coming weeks and figure out what comes next to us -- job-wise, location-wise, etc. As my maternity leave winds down (end of Feb.) I feel we are at a major crossroads, but I just have no idea which path to take. It's a tangled web of emotions, logic, gut feelings and bank account statements that seem to change and reprioritize every day. If anyone can let me know how to make some real money doing something I love WHILE taking care of my baby, please do let me know. :)

I hope all of my Internet friends have a wonderful, perfect holiday season. It's been a year of very high highs and some pretty low lows, but I am so full of thanks for my wonderful healthy baby and my amazing family and friends. I miss SS every day, but I just have to believe that somehow, somewhere, he is a part of these new adventures. I feel him near. And I am so thankful for our years of friendship, and that he got to meet my special girl.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Suiting Up

Act I

The scene: My bedroom, last week. 20 weeks post-partum. Trying on ALL my old swimsuits, in preparation for our Hawaii trip (for some reason I never seem to throw old suits away).

I try my lone one-piece. Not too bad. Honestly, a lot better than I expected (and wow -- I finally fill out the top -- baby-bearing has its privileges!).

On to the tankini (very modest, full coverage two-piece). Okay... this is not that bad either... do I dare? Do I really?

I close my eyes and take a deep breath and grab the bikini. My flat tummy used to be one of my better features. Open one eye, then the other. Dare to let out the breath. It's... workable. Definitely looking a little, well, stretched -- but that's to be expected. Couple of stretch marks on my sides. Feeling pretty good, actually!

Relieved, I sit down on the side of the bed. Oh, God. Flabby skin settles around the top of the bikini bottom -- where did it all come from? Stretch marks shimmer up at me. The faint-but-not-gone linea negra cuts the jelly roll into two jiggly half-tummies.

The lesson: if you must wear a bikini after childbirth... NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SIT DOWN!

Act II

Scene: The swimsuit store, the mall, today. Desperately trying on every full-coverage one-piece in stock (and it's November on the East Coast, so the pickings are slim... so to speak).

The boobies still look great -- HUGE, I must admit. Unfortunately, I'd use the same word to describe my derriere. And it does not look so great. Hanging low. I curse the misogynist who created the three-panel dressing-room mirror. Fluorescent lights to boot -- Lord have mercy.

I try on my old size 8... then 10s... I end up buying a size 12 one-piece, plenty of fabric. It's brown. It's safe. It's invisible, actually.

But I think I'm going to bring the bikini too... just in case I get up the courage... or in case I go somewhere where I'm guaranteed not to have to sit down.

Thursday, November 03, 2005

That's that

The position has been filled. I feel both disappointed and relieved. Sometimes I guess it's good when fate makes a decision for you. Takes the burden off me, anyway.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Reality sets in

So, the other day when L. was taking a completely uncharacteristically long nap, I found myself for the first time in a long time with nothing to do. Okay, let's be honest: with nothing to do that I WANTED to do.

I decided to look at the job listings in CA, where I am from. Where I want to return. Usually this exercise just serves to reinforce how little I want to go back to work (though almost surely will have to, if we want to avoid living in a shack).

But on this day, I was scrolling down, rejecting jobs in my head... and there it was. My perfect job. A job I am perfectly qualified for, an organization that should -- if the listing is indeed what it appears -- be ready to kill to hire me, in the city in which I wish to live, etc. etc. etc.

God, I don't know how to feel. A part of me wants it because I have been looking for it, waiting for it, for so long now. And here it finally is. At the same time, the prospect of leaving my darling amazing baby, and my little mommy cocoon, makes me feel physically sick.

As my mentors and my husband pointed out, there's no point in agonizing over a job that hasn't even been offered to me yet. Maybe they have a strong internal candidate. Maybe it's a stale posting. Maybe the people are stupid, or mean. Maybe they wouldn't be willing to wait until March (and I am not willing to go back to work/relocate until then, for a host of reasons too complex and boring to recount). Maybe I am not as perfect for it as I think, and they won't want me.

So, I guess I will apply, see if it comes my way, and then decide. I suppose this would be a good dilemma to have... so we will see.

Wish me luck -- whatever that means in this situation!