Bedrest, Day 6

So I'm lying here, and lying here, and lying here, and lying here. Mostly it's just frustrating and I'm mad at myself for getting into this predicament, and sure that I'm being punished for a couple weeks of relatively 'bad' living. But then... I have moments of fear that something is really wrong. The evidence doesn't point to it (yet), but still the thoughts creep in. I feel every twinge down below. I analyze every bit of discharge (is it 'watery'?). I obsess about what I'm eating and drinking at all times. I worry that my ankles are too big and my tummy is too small. And then I tell myself how stupid I'm being.

Anyway, I might as well just suck it up for the moment -- my "specialist sonogram" is in three hours and then hopefully I'll know more. Surely I can find three hours worth of distracting daytime tv to tide me over till then, no?

Speaking of the sonogram (roundaboutly)... G. called today, harried. He's very stressed at work. People making demands, imposing deadlines, etc. I found myself apologizing profusely for further messing up his busy day with this sonogram that will take him out of the office and set him back hours. Was feeling guilty about it, until I started feeling kind of annoyed instead. I totally get it... BUT. Hello, I have been away from work for almost a week! MY deadlines are all shot to hell, MY schedule is completely way behind, and I certainly did not ask for this!! I'm not really mad I guess... just decided I'm done apologizing. If I have to be there -- and I HAVE to be there -- he can find the time. See how it is... KIND OF. No being let off the hook, if I can't be. Yeah, it's inconvenient... but we're in this together, I figure. I'm sure he'd agree, if he'd stop to think about it.