Grrr.

I told my sister about the pregnancy the other day, which I was really excited to do. I don't know what I expected but it was really bizarre and bad at first -- I think she was just shocked, and things don't always translate well over the phone, and she kind of freaked out. Mainly, she was annoyed that I had told Mom and Dad two weeks before her. This felt all kinds of unfair, since a) NO ONE else (not even my in-laws) know yet, b) I had to tell my parents when I saw them, it was my only opportunity and c) HELLO, they are my mommy and my daddy! I tried to reign her in really quick and set her straight, and also tried to take the high road and explain that there is a lot of fear and superstition involved with this, and it's *scary* to talk about it, etc. etc. But honestly, I didn't feel like I should have to make excuses, and I still don't. I almost cried -- maybe I even did a little bit, I don't remember, it was election night and I was crashing at work and there was a ton going on at the same time, which maybe was for the best.

To make a long story short, she called back a little while later and apologized "for having such a selfish reaction," and said she was REALLY REALLY excited, and just emotional/shocked/a little bit jealous -- not that she wants a baby, but that it seems like everything goes so nicely in my life and she doesn't even have any prospects and blah blah blah. I get it -- kind of -- but I was also a little bit transported back to my 21st birthday, when my mother gave me a necklace that L. really loved, and she started sobbing at the table in the Carnelian Room, in front of the entire extended family. Anyway, I am moving beyond it because what good does it do to dwell? And the truth is, I *know* she is happy and she will love the little person... and I guess I also know she'll regret her reaction for a long time. So, why punish her anymore than she will punish herself? I *did* want to tell her and I *am* glad she knows, so why not just go with the flow? Only positive energy for this baby.

It's harder to get positive about the election results. I am shocked -- SHOCKED -- that 59,000,000+ people could get behind Bush. He's a zealot and a liar, and that's it. But I'm also really tired of the negativity in this country. That doesn't mean I'm ready to embrace the bastard -- I'm not -- but what else can be done to stop him? I think the saddest part for me is the notion that all of these people who came out to vote for the first time, stood in the 9-hour lines, etc. etc. may next time say "What good did it do? Why bother?" and not even try next time. I feel like if the effort really *had* brought about change, it could have launched a revolution -- or at least a renewed sense of civic pride. Are we doomed to a life of Republicanism? (When I look at that crazy map of all the red states with the blue on either side and the top, I have this image of a big spreading plague, pushing outwards -- until what? We all fall into the ocean?)

Wait, wait -- no negativity. For you-know-who, if not for myself right now. Deep breaths. Keep going.