Co-conspirators

i told my parents this weekend. i was with them in MA. visiting my brother at college, and i knew it was my only opportunity to break the news in person.

oddly (i guess), i wasn't even sure i wanted to tell. i've been kind of revelling in the secrecy, or so i thought. and, i think there's a certain element of superstition -- if i let it out, i lose control of it. silly i guess. what will be will be. (nevertheless, even in conversations with g. i speak hypothetically -- "IF we have a baby in june," rather than "WHEN we have a baby in june"... surely my confidence will build with time, and my feelings of jinxedness will subside with every passing week.

anyway, so we were in the hotel room, getting ready for bed, just them and me. i told them that i had decided not to pursue a job opportunity i'd heard about lately... because i "might have another opportunity in my future" (there i go again, with "MIGHT," not "WILL" -- obviously i have heard way too many horror stories). i guess i turned white as a sheet and my lip started trembling because they said they were worried i was about to say i was being transferred to iraq or something! when i broke the news, they grabbed me and we all got emotional and it was great. actually, a huge relief to tell -- and it made it that much more real.

it also made it far easier to deal with all the stupid random things that come up in a weekend with my folks -- mainly the ability to deflect questions like "don't you want a bite of my eggs benedict," and "doesn't seared tuna sound delicious," and "how about a beer?"! mostly i just got a nice warm feeling from how excited they are. and that's ALL good.

the next sonogram is a week from today (election day, actually), and hopefully i'll finally have an idea on how far along i really am by then. i think that will also serve to make things more concrete in my mind. not to mention i'll finally know what chapter i should be at in "what to expect..."! ha.

it's funny, i've spent quite a bit of time at work speculating on other people's pregnancies or lack thereof, and now i'm wondering if anyone has a clue about me. probably not just yet. hopefully not. though now i can't wait to be in the clear so i can tell!