Home Improvement Woes Are Me

had a bad night last night -- out of what seemed like nowhere, g. started totally freaking out about our neverending home improvement projects. he's really burned out and he just lost it, basically told me he felt like he was doing everything by himself, and that i wasn't helping.

it made me feel horrible -- it's true i was visiting my brother last weekend, but other than that i have been working SO hard, and even when i haven't been actively painting or sanding or caulking or whatever, i have been putting meals on the table and making sure the laundry gets done etc. i NEVER sit around and watch tv while he's working. so it totally caught me off guard and felt completely unfair. i started crying and told him i didn't know what else i could be doing, and he eventually calmed down and apologized, but it really left a bad taste in my mouth. we almost never fight and this was really hurtful, because i have been SO supportive of all these god-forsaken projects and really really trying to smile through it even when i hate it!! ugh, i really need a break from all this stuff -- fortunately (i think) we only have about a week's worth of work left to do (on THIS project anyway); i hope i can make it. i'm feeling very tense about it now, even though supposedly we have made up, and we did get alot done last night once things blew over.

(g. is the most calm, sane, kind person i have ever met, but the home improvement stuff just brings out an ultra-intense side sometimes i really don't like!)

i think my 'condition' possibly contributed to my reaction, and i tried really hard not to play that card -- but you know what? i do think he should be extra sensitive to me in this state. honestly, i am dealing with a lot right now -- including trying not to throw up -- and i guess it's just not something he can fully appreciate and/or factor in. and, i don't really think i overreacted anyway....

g. is in atlanta today and tomorrow, and i have my marching orders between now and then (painting baseboards), so it's not like i can relax tonight. i'm really ready for this to end. meanwhile, i have to vent.

(adapted from an e-mail to mgd)