Dreaming of Sleep

So, the only time I don't feel pretty much awful is when I'm in bed, about to sleep, sleeping, or just barely awake (as soon as I'm on my feet the heaving begins). I'm SO relieved when it's time to tuck in again each night, is that pathetic? Still haven't actually expelled anything, thankfully, but sometimes I think I'd feel better if I did. I've started stashing snacks in the nightstand -- seems to help. Eating always feels good, too, but then I eat too much and the heartburn kicks in like crazy. God, I hope the end of this part is in sight. (It's certainly all the harder having to hide it...)

Meanwhile, I bought two pairs of elastic-waistband pants today, lord help me. The good news is, I plan to eat WITH ABANDON this Thanksgiving! (Got to find out if it's true pregnant ladies shouldn't eat the stuffing cooked in the bird... my favorite! Hmmm...)

Actually, though, I still haven't gained any weight (though I seem to have less in my butt and more in my tummy). It's amazing how deeply ingrained our societal pressures are though -- even though I know I really do need to start gaining, I keep feeling secretly happy I'm not (esp. given the amount I'm eating), and then have to tell myself how f---ed up that is....