Countdown

Three months to go till baby makes her entrance. I am a mess of emotions, that range and alternate and often overlap. Intensely happy, terrified, anxious to meet her, worried my life will never be the same, glad my life will never be the same, etc. etc. For now, I am trying to heed friends' wise advice and just relish full nights of good sleep (when I can get them, even now!).

I am counting down the days. (And counting UP the pounds -- over 20 as of this morning... but that's another story.)

Meanwhile, the various dramas in my life are converging. Namely, one awkward dilemma. As you may recall, my dear friend (and one half of the closest thing I have to family in this town) P. is married to SS (who is battling very serious and likely terminal leukemia). She is also supposed to be (co-)hosting a shower for me in May, at her house. Now, in the realm of SS's illness, May is a million years off. He could be on the road to recovery by then (best best case). He could also be really really sick. He may no longer be with us -- heaven forbid, but as he insists on pointing out, let's be real here.

A stupid baby shower for me seems pretty trivial in the grand scheme of things. But the dilemma is this: she claims she wants to do it anyway. And I cannot for the life of me tell if a) she's being polite and/or a martyr, because lord knows she is going to be totally overwhelmed in May no matter what the scenario... or b) she actually WANTS to do it, and somehow it will allow her some measure of escape/distraction/positive energy.

I tried to ask, but absolutely could not get a read. The co-host, my friend C., has offered to do it at her place instead. I put this out there. P. basically threw it back to me: "Whatever you and C. feel most comfortable with is fine with me." Well -- I would feel most comfortable doing it at C.'s place, but only in an effort to make P. most comfortable! And if she isn't... well then neither am I. So. It's tough. All this is compounded by SS's contention that P. is in major denial about his fate and the very real possbility that she may THINK she's up for it, but not be.

Anyway -- we've left it for the moment that C. will host, and P. will do food. I am still worried I've hurt her feelings somehow -- but you know what? We are friends, and I have not beat around the bush, and I think this is the right thing. I guess I have to trust her to tell me the truth. And hope that she understands that I really am trying to do what's best for everyone. It's just a shower, after all.